Mental Health is a big thing now so I decided to create crushed and created and share my story and struggles.
I have been suffering from Anxiety issues for a few years now and it’s not fun‚ enjoyable or something that I laugh about.
But one thing I’ll never do is hide away from the truth and I try not to Judge but every now and then I do slip up on this but I am only human.
However‚ this is probably the hardest piece to write for me and has required a huge amount of support from others to achieve.
How it started
Well‚ for this I go back to 201’ I had just started to learn how to drive again in an automatic after a bunch of problems before in 2011 in a manual with coordination and all was going well‚ I was a happy go‚ lucky person‚ nothing really bothered me in the slightest then in 201’ after finishing a late-night Job shift I was tailgated on the road.
When I saw something run in front of me‚ I instinctively touched the brake probably not the greatest decision looking at it a few years later. probably should have performed a swerve and avoid manoeuvre as the road in front was clear and it was dry.
Anyway‚ the taxi ran into me and my car lit up like I was on the bridge starship Enterprise warning lights everywhere and it just died
I was alone‚ it was 11 at night and when I got out to sort it out the driver was adamant‚ they had done nothing wrong despite them tailgating and was blaming me.
Then to make matters worse‚ he had been on his radio and all of a sudden all of his mates and other taxi drivers arrived and they were laughing at me and shouting abuse.
Scared and frightened
I was no word of a lie pretty scared by this point and only got out of my car when the police arrived even though that was only about 10 mins it felt like an hour. of course all the other drivers had vanished when the police van arrived they did not want to get in trouble I suspect.
Here is your souvenir
I then went through the terrifying experience of having to take a breathalyser test‚ which I know is standard procedure after an RTA and explain what happened to the police and I was kind of glad when I stepped through the door at home.
Moving forwards the beginning
Three months after the accident and finally getting over the stress and in a new car I was so much more cautious and but nowhere near as forgiving or patient. I just did what I needed to do‚ around the same time I lost my Job which was actually not a bad thing in the slightest as it was pretty stressful.
The Frustration game
Then in late 2014‚ I started to have times where I was getting really frustrated while working at with a local support organisation because I wanted to do more and they knew I was capable.
However‚ as I was the only person that had any call centre experience and they needed me on the phone and I was held back for some time and it was not until 2015 that they allowed me to try out something new.
My Friend Hannah
My friend Hannah said to me I was showing some signs of anxiety because I was also worrying constantly about issues that I had zero control over and worrying about things around me.
A flare up with my boss did not help‚ but I laughed it off and carried on as normal despite underneath not exactly being happy about it and feeling trapped.
In the middle of 2015 things took a nose dive for me and this is when I started to know something was wrong after some health issues‚ another car accident and some personal issues.
(I am not going into details on the above) I ended up in a bad place and needed to get some support to deal with this and I am not ashamed for doing this because it helped me a lot.
Moving Forwards part II ….. slightly
Moving forward and with my health slightly better after some treatment I started to recover again‚ but now with the added task of starting to understand what I was told in CBT but 2016 was looking like it was going to be a better year for me.
I had secured a new job and things were looking a bit brighter but I was still trying to work everything out around it than a bang!
My employer got rid of me using my mental health as an excuse first and then a bunch of other ones (I cannot go into the full details of what happened)
I did not realise at the time they could not do that so I suffered as a result of that and well I spent most of 2016 trying to get over that.
In 2017 my life took another massive hit mental health wise after my car accident from 2015 reared up again and had been going on 2 years at this point and I ended up getting very stressed out again and randomly having outbursts of frustration and feeling pretty down.
Back at the Doctors
Not long after this I started experiencing some breathing issues and found myself back at my local GP. After having a few tests to check I had not developed asthma thankfully I was negative for that and the doctor said it was likely I felt like I could not breath when walking was anxiety related.
After a breakdown at the Job centre I was referred back to get some more support after 10 weeks of this I was recovering ok again and then the Job centre made it all worse again.
By continually changing my work coach on me no less than 6 times as a result I was finding it hard to talk to any work coach about my issues as I did not have enough time to get used to them. The manager of the Jobcentre then destroyed any remaining confidence with an attitude of ” Well you have 2 options put up with it or get a Job!”
My response in my head was “What do you think I am trying to do!”.
But now that has been dealt with and taking some more hits in 2018‚ I have now been given the mental health support I finally needed. And feeling not only
The future has not happened for me yet‚ but I am looking at it in a brighter way and with friends‚ on facebook and twitter I have more support than ever before.