Mental Health is a big thing now. So I decided to create crushed and created which is my mental health story. I have been suffering from Anxiety issues for a few years now and it’s not fun, enjoyable or something that I laugh about.
But one thing I’ll never do is hide away from the truth and I try not to Judge but every now and then I do slip up on this but I am only human.
How it started
Well, for this I go back to 2012 I had just started to learn how to drive again in an automatic after a bunch of problems before in 2011 in a manual with coordination and all was going well. I was a happy go, lucky person, nothing really bothered me in the slightest.
Until 2013 that is
One night after finishing work I was travelling back home on a familiar local road and I thought something ran in front of my car.
Next thing after touching the brake was “Crunch!”
The car behind me a taxi ran straight into me because he had been tailgating me for some distance at this point and could not react quickly enough and ran into me. I wanted to get this sorted quickly as it was 23:00hrs (11:00 PM)
After seeing my car light up like the starship Enterprise I cautiously got out and spoke the taxi driver. He immediately started hurling abuse at me and blaming me. I scurried back to my car scared now and called 999.
Scared and frightened
I remember at this point speaking to the control room in Ripley Derbyshire. I was surrounded by 10 – 15 taxi drivers all laughing and shouting abuse. He had called them from his his radio no doubt.
I was still alone at this point and shaken up at this point. It felt like an ice age past before a police van arrived and the taxi drivers mates scarped. I was kind of relieved when the officer came over to me and escorted me to the police van.
Here is your souvenir
I then went through the experience of having to take a breathalyser test. I know it is standard procedure after an RTA and then explained what happened to the police.
Moving forwards the beginning
Three months after the accident and finally getting over the stress and in a new car. More cautious and nowhere near as forgiving or patient. I just did what I needed to do. Around the same time I lost my Job in a call centre. I did not mind this too much it was very stressful.
The Frustration game
Then in late 2014. I started to have times where I was getting really frustrated while working at a local support organisation. I wanted to do more and they knew I was capable. But as I was the only person that had any call centre experience they needed me on the phone.
I was held back for some time and it was not until 2015 that they allowed me to try out something new.
My Friend Hannah
My friend Hannah said to me I was showing some signs of Anxiety. She Explained I was also worrying constantly about issues that I had zero control over.
A flare up with my boss at the time did not help. But I forgot about it and carried on as normal. But underneath I was not exactly happy about it and feeling trapped. (I am not going give details of the incident with my then boss)
In the middle of 2015 Things took a nose dive for me. This is when I started to know something was wrong.
I ended up in a bad place and needed to get some support to deal with this. Even to this day I am not ashamed for doing it because it helped me a lot.
Moving Forwards part II ….. slightly
Moving forward and with my health slightly better after some treatment I started to recover again. But with the added task of trying to understand what I was told in CBT.
2016 however was looking like it was going to be a better year for me. I had secured a new job and things were looking a bit brighter. But I was still trying to work everything out around it then BANG!
I was booted from a job I loved on mental health grounds a few months into 2016. Not realising an employer cannot sack someone for that. I suffered as a result of that and well I spent most of 2016 trying to bounce back from this latest hit.
In 2017 my life took another massive hit mental health wise. Thank’s to another car accident this time in 2015 reared up again. It had been going on 2 years at this point. (It was a long legal case and I dont really want to talk about it)
I ended up getting very stressed out again. I also started suffering from randomly having outbursts of frustration and feeling pretty down.
Back at the Doctors
Not long after this I started experiencing some breathing issues and found myself back at my local GP. After having a few tests to check I had not developed asthma thankfully I was negative for that. The doctor said it was likely anxiety related.
After a breakdown at the Job centre I was referred back to get some more support. After 10 weeks of this I was recovering. Then the Job centre undid this yet again.
By continually changing my work coach on me no less than 6 times as a result. I was now finding it hard to talk to any work coach about my issues as I did not have enough time to get used to them.
The manager of the Jobcentre then destroyed any remaining confidence with an attitude of ” Well you have 2 options put up with it or get a Job!”
My response in my head was “What do you think I am trying to do!”.
The future has not happened for me yet, but I am looking at it in a brighter way and with friends, on facebook and twitter I have more support than ever before but that is not to say I wont suffer futher tough times or require support again.
below link to mental health foundation : https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/